Lost without you.

I am guilty of not publicly saying this or feeling this enough. But, I am incredibly thankful for my husband.

The past seven days have been some of the most trying in our lives (there are a *lot* more details, some unfortunate and messy, to M’s birth story/first few days of her life — ones I didn’t elaborate on in the positive bits I wrote for the announcement/Instagram).

Saying that it’s just been hard would be grossly inadequate at doing justice to the difficulties of those seven days, and what’s to come of them.

Through all of it, however, D has been a bastion of rock solid support, continually going above and beyond, and working tirelessly to hold all of us together. I would have been absolutely lost without him.

Thank you, hunny. 💚⁣ ⁣

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Goodbye to you.

I’m feeling this profoundly hard today, and I am making this public so I don’t have to answer (as many) questions later:

My broken, bruised and harmful relationship with my mother has reached beyond its inevitable breaking point, and I am finally having the courage to cut ties and walk away.

And, in time, hopefully heal…

“You don’t have to be a product of the inept, cruel parenting that was shown to you, and this starts with the brave decision that the cycle stops at you. People who do this, who refuse to continue a toxic legacy, are courageous, heroic and they change the world. We’re here to build amazing humans, not to tear them down. How many lives could have been different if your parent was the one who decided that enough was enough.”

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I wish that for you always.

Sending a special shout out today to the moms out there who feel DONE.

Done ‘cause of #stayhome, done ‘cause they just can’t anymore, done ‘cause they can’t live up to societal expectations of motherhood, or done ‘cause all they want right now is a good hour of not being mom and a stiff drink.

I hear you.

I feel you.

I am you.

You are worthy.

You are human.

Your honesty keeps it real, and to others out there struggling, it is achingly necessary.

There is beauty in that rawness, and it is you.

May today give you a chance to breathe.

I wish that for you always.

Happy you day. 💚⁣ ⁣

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It could always be worse.

I am now working from home. My work is navigating us doing our jobs remotely for the first time ever, as I don’t think they ever thought it would get to this stage. It’s a bit of a mess, but I’m home.

D is also working from home. It’s an easier feat for him, thankfully.

We are additionally keeping O home with us until the shit storm that is covid19 blows over.

But, if you don’t do screen time with your kid, how the eff do you work from home with said kid and survive? Make a schedule, have activities set up that you don’t have to man — those parts I get. But he’s a preschooler who doesn’t always appeal to logic, and wants us to play with him and be present and we cant ’cause WORK EMAILS ^ 3894792374.

Additionally, if you have no office space whatsoever to accommodate working from home, and one of you is stuck on the couch (me /weep), how do the ergonomics of your body possibly survive?

It could always be worse (I could still be on the floor in ECE right now), but I did not fully think of these things. My back hurts. I’m worried about my kid.

Working from home lunches are superbly more tasty, however.

There is that.

Perhaps that alone will get me though…

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It may surprise you.

I was at Walmart the other day, and walking behind a couple who were loudly referring to people who were hoarding (due to the current circumstances) as idiots and a bunch of not so nice, other names. #peopleofwalmart, I know.

I get that the hoarding of food is making this exponentially harder than it needs to be for some people, especially vulnerable people, and that it’s shitty. I am dreading going grocery shopping next for our weekly run, and I don’t even have specific, hard to find needs. For some, it’s going to be frightful.

What I also get, however, is that the act of stocking up on food, toilet paper, etc., it lets those who need it to feel power, and control. Not many are able to find that among the current news cycle right now, or at ALL, and that can be frightening. For some, the one thing that brings them feelings of comfort and security among times like these, is buying, and buying lots, and being absolutely sure that they have enough. And the visible act of being able to see a pantry loaded to the gills with food when it kind of feels like the whole world is shutting down outside? I absolutely get how that could be a calming answer to many worries. Especially if you’re a mom, like I am.

Selfish? Perhaps, but I struggle with throwing that around as a blanket statement. In some cases that have come to be publicized, it likely applies. But, in others, I think there’s more to it than we realize.

We all deal in our own ways. We may not always agree with it, but among the chaos that is now, try employing empathy to see the why instead of exasperation at seeing the what. It may surprise you.

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