The magic (in the mess). ♡ – Page 3

Motherhood, The magic (in the mess). ♡

Asking the REAL questions.

12/30/2020 No Comments

Here are the questions I asked myself as I attempted to make sense of this gong show of a board book collection:

Why do we own this many board books? W H Y?⁣
You know you can’t even fit all the ones we own on this shelf and you should probably stop buying them, yeah?⁣
Where the hell is our Gruffalo book?! I guess I’ll have to get another. ⁣
You know what makes for great photos, Sarah? A black bookshelf in a hallway that has dungeness lighting AND it’s a dark + dreary night. Bravo. ⁣
E-readers are so much easier to sort. How old can O be before he starts using one?⁣
Wait. No. Never. I have to have a reason to keep buying him and M pretty books for all of eternity. RIGHT?!⁣
None of how you’re organizing this makes sense, I hope you know. Do you?⁣
Why do we still own Rainbow Fish? Donate that nonsense.⁣
You didn’t buy “such and such” when you were out thrifting last. Why? Next time, next time. ⁣
WHYYYY DOES NOTHING FIT LIKE I WANT IT TOOOOOO?⁣
Have you ever heard of a damn library, woman?!⁣

I am a mess. No lie.

Mental Health, Motherhood, Postpartum, The magic (in the mess). ♡

I breast fed O until he was 17 months. Assumption dictated I would do the same with my daughter. When M was born, she latched perfectly. Hurray! Then she had to undergo blue light therapy in the hospital for jaundice and somehow, among it, she forgot how to latch. ⁣
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It has been a HARD journey since. I’ve been trying many many many MANY times a day to help M relearn what she had lost, and then following it by hours of pumping so that I could feed her (while D gave her expressed bottles). She was often frustrated, I was often at tears. It felt like all hours of the day were spent on this effort. I was pretty much stuck at home, with my breast-pump as my ankle monitor. I read what felt like every single article in existence about breastfeeding, and my anxiety was a MESS. ⁣
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(Exclusive pumpers and formula users, I have full respect for you. Please know that.)⁣
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But, good news! After about three thousand attempts (no lie — I’m serious) and four weeks, M is finally latching and doing so consistently. It’s not perfect, and we both have some growing to get there, but, we made it. ⁣
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Achieving this with M has been monumental to my mental health. Now, I figure out how to transition her fully to breastfeeding, while ensuring she gets enough and keeps gaining weight. This will be another journey of learning, but it is one I am prepared to embrace. Slowly and carefully for my anxiety’s sake, but in proud abundance of how far we’ve already come. 💚⁣ ⁣

Motherhood, Postpartum, The magic (in the mess). ♡

Lost without you.

08/25/2020 No Comments

I am guilty of not publicly saying this or feeling this enough. But, I am incredibly thankful for my husband.

The past seven days have been some of the most trying in our lives (there are a *lot* more details, some unfortunate and messy, to M’s birth story/first few days of her life — ones I didn’t elaborate on in the positive bits I wrote for the announcement/Instagram).

Saying that it’s just been hard would be grossly inadequate at doing justice to the difficulties of those seven days, and what’s to come of them.

Through all of it, however, D has been a bastion of rock solid support, continually going above and beyond, and working tirelessly to hold all of us together. I would have been absolutely lost without him.

Thank you, hunny. 💚⁣ ⁣

Motherhood, The magic (in the mess). ♡

I wish that for you always.

05/10/2020 No Comments

Sending a special shout out today to the moms out there who feel DONE.

Done ‘cause of #stayhome, done ‘cause they just can’t anymore, done ‘cause they can’t live up to societal expectations of motherhood, or done ‘cause all they want right now is a good hour of not being mom and a stiff drink.

I hear you.

I feel you.

I am you.

You are worthy.

You are human.

Your honesty keeps it real, and to others out there struggling, it is achingly necessary.

There is beauty in that rawness, and it is you.

May today give you a chance to breathe.

I wish that for you always.

Happy you day. 💚⁣ ⁣

Motherhood, The magic (in the mess). ♡

Where I have arrived to while #stayinghome.

04/22/2020 No Comments

Wearing a purse feels like a strange phenomenon of our society that has absolutely no bearing on reality.
Watching people gather in groups on *insert whatever TV series I’m bingeing* make me feel MOST worried for them.
I measure my gas mileage in terms of how many weeks per tank. I’m almost at four!
The once a week grocery run is actually kind of *exciting*.
My slacky home clothes are legitimately in shock with how much I’m using them, and are kindly responding by falling apart. I look *hot*.
The concept of doing my hair can fuck right off for the rest of eternity.
I nap everyday while my kid naps and I legitimately have no idea how I will function without said nap once the world goes back to normal. I’m gonna be SO screwed.
The lack of friends I have that I actually hang out with has yet to make this feel all that different, lol.
These words: “we can’t, it’s closed” have magically transformed my kid into: 1) being able to calmly stay at home ALL day while not really “going” anywhere and 2) into being a CHAMPION of long walks (as opposed to playgrounds)… When before he would have lost his *shit* on me about both.

These are *fascinating* times.